Healing in Your 20s & 30s: Embracing Both Soft and Hard Girl Energy
- Emma Langton
- Aug 19
- 4 min read
In today’s fast-paced world, emotional well-being has taken centre stage. Two popular healing philosophies have emerged: "soft girl" and "hard girl." Each offers unique pathways to personal growth, appealing to different aspects of emotional health. By understanding how these two approaches differ, individuals can make informed choices about their healing journeys and enhance their overall well-being.
✨ What is Soft Girl Healing?
Soft girl healing is all about slowing down and choosing gentleness in a world that often demands toughness. At its heart, it’s a nurturing approach to emotional well-being — one that encourages self-compassion, softness, and vulnerability. Instead of pushing through pain, this philosophy invites you to create a safe space where your feelings can be acknowledged and understood.
Some common practices include:
Journaling – Putting your thoughts and emotions onto paper can be like having an honest conversation with yourself. Not only does it provide clarity, but research shows expressive writing can actually reduce anxiety symptoms by around 20%.
Meditation – Mindfulness and breathwork help calm the nervous system. Studies have found that meditation can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) by up to 30%, which explains why it often leaves you feeling lighter and more grounded.
Soft girl healing is less about fixing yourself and more about being with yourself. By reconnecting with your inner child and embracing joy, you can rediscover the simple things that soothe the soul — like painting, listening to music, or walking in nature. These practices not only enhance self-expression but also remind you that it’s okay to be soft in a hard world.
✨ What is Hard Girl Healing?
Hard girl healing takes a very different approach. Where soft girl energy leans into gentleness, hard girl healing is about resilience, discipline, and taking bold action. It’s the philosophy of empowerment — choosing to face challenges head-on and proving to yourself that you are stronger than your doubts.
Some core practices include:
Intensive workouts – Moving your body isn’t just about fitness; it’s about channeling emotions into strength. Exercise has been shown to reduce symptoms of depression by nearly 50% in some cases, reminding us how powerful the mind-body connection can be.
Goal-setting – Hard girl healing thrives on ambition. Setting clear, sometimes challenging, goals allows you to direct your energy into growth. Each small win builds confidence and reinforces the belief that you can overcome what once felt impossible.
This approach is about stepping outside your comfort zone, whether that means speaking up, taking risks, or facing fears you’ve avoided. Hard girl healing doesn’t shy away from discomfort; instead, it views it as a path to growth. At its core, it’s about building self-reliance, inner strength, and the courage to take charge of your own healing journey.
✨ Key Differences Between Soft Girl and Hard Girl Healing
While both approaches aim for emotional well-being, they do so in very different ways. Understanding these differences can help you choose what resonates most — or blend them together for a balanced path.
1. Emotional Expression vs. Emotional Resilience - Soft girl healing leans into vulnerability. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel deeply — whether through journaling, art, or simply letting emotions flow.
Hard girl healing, on the other hand, is about facing emotions directly and building resilience. It’s less about sitting with the feeling and more about asking, “How can I use this challenge to grow stronger?”
2. Nurturing vs. Empowering Practices - Soft girl healing prioritises comfort and self-care. Think bubble baths, cosy reading corners, or gentle walks that soothe your nervous system and invite calm.
Hard girl healing thrives on empowerment. It’s about pushing limits — signing up for a fitness challenge, learning to communicate assertively, or setting ambitious goals that demand courage and discipline.
3. Community vs. Independence - Soft girl healing often highlights the power of community — leaning on trusted friends, family, or support groups to hold you in your healing.
Hard girl healing emphasises independence, cultivating the inner strength to stand on your own, make tough decisions, and rely on your own resources first.
✨ Finding Balance Between the Two
In truth, most of us need both. You might start with soft girl practices, like journaling, to untangle your feelings — then move into hard girl practices, like goal-setting, to take bold action.
When the two work together, healing becomes a dance between softness and strength. You learn to honour your emotions and build the resilience to face what’s next.
✨ Final Thoughts
Soft girl and hard girl healing are not opposing forces but complementary ones. One reminds you it’s okay to be tender; the other reminds you that you are powerful.
By weaving both into your life, you create space to nurture your inner world while also stepping boldly into growth. At the end of the day, healing isn’t about choosing one identity — it’s about creating your own rhythm, your own balance, and your own path forward.
✨ Taking the Next Step
Whether you lean more toward soft girl healing, hard girl healing, or somewhere in between, the most important thing is recognising that your healing journey is uniquely yours. Sometimes, though, it can feel overwhelming to know where to start or how to keep going.
Therapy can offer the space to explore these patterns, understand what you truly need, and begin building both the softness and the strength that will carry you forward. At The Flawed Journey, I provide a safe, compassionate environment where you don’t have to choose one version of healing over the other — you can discover the balance that feels right for you.
If you’re curious about starting therapy, I offer a FREE 30-minute consultation. It’s a chance to explore whether therapy is the right fit for you and how it can support your journey toward self-acceptance, confidence, and growth.
And if you need immediate mental health support right now, please reach out to a 24/7 support helpline in your area. If you or someone you know is at risk of immediate harm, please call your local emergency services.