The Side of Living Abroad Nobody Really Talks About: When You Have People to Drink With, But Nobody to Cry To

The excitement, the freedom, the loneliness, and the strange feeling of belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Moving abroad in your 20s or 30s can feel like one of the most exciting things you'll ever do.

You pack up your life, say goodbye to everything familiar and head off to a new country with the hope of creating something different for yourself.

Maybe you're chasing sunshine, career opportunities, adventure, love, or simply the chance to discover who you are outside of everything you've always known.

And for a while, it can feel exactly how you imagined.

New places to explore. New people to meet. Weekend trips. After-work drinks. Experiences you never would have had if you'd stayed home.

Your camera roll is full, your weekends are busy, and when people back home ask how life is going, you've got plenty of stories to tell.

But there's a side to living abroad that doesn't always make it into the photos.

And sometimes, it's the side that feels the hardest to explain.

You Can Have a Social Life and Still Feel Incredibly Lonely

One of the strangest parts of living abroad is realising that being surrounded by people doesn't necessarily mean you feel connected to them.

You might have a great group of people to go for brunch with.

Friends who are always up for a drink on a Friday.

People to explore the city with, plan holidays with, or message when something funny happens.

And those friendships can be genuinely wonderful.

But then something difficult happens.

You have a horrible day at work. Your relationship is struggling. You're feeling anxious, homesick, overwhelmed, or just not quite yourself.

And suddenly you find yourself wondering:

Who could I actually call right now?

Not someone to grab a drink with.

Not someone to distract you for a few hours.

But someone you can sit in front of, completely fall apart with, and not feel the need to explain yourself.

Someone who knows when you're saying "I'm fine" that perhaps you're not.

Because there's a difference between having people to spend time with and having people you feel emotionally safe with.

And when you're living abroad, that difference can feel enormous.

Sometimes you're building friendships from scratch while quietly missing the kind of connection that took years to develop back home.

You miss being known.

Not just the version of you that people have met since you moved, but the version that existed before.

The one with a whole history, old friendships, family stories, inside jokes, and experiences that don't need explaining.

And that kind of familiarity isn't always easy to replace.

"Yeah, Everything's Good Over Here!"

Then there's the weekly FaceTime home.

Your mum, dad, sibling, best friend, or whoever feels like home to you asks how you're getting on.

And you smile.

"Yeah, all good! Work's busy. Weather's lovely. Went out at the weekend. Nothing much to report!"

You ask how everyone is doing, catch up on what's happening back home, promise you'll call again soon, and hang up.

Except maybe everything isn't good.

Maybe you've been crying in your apartment that morning.

Maybe you've spent most of the weekend alone.

Maybe you've been questioning whether moving abroad was the right decision.

Maybe you're feeling disconnected from everyone around you, but you don't quite know how to explain it.

So you don't.

Because they're thousands of miles away, and what can they really do?

You don't want them worrying.

You don't want to make them feel helpless.

You don't want another conversation about whether you should just come home.

And perhaps, somewhere underneath all of that, there's guilt.

Because this is the life you chose, isn't it?

You wanted to move abroad.

You were excited.

Everyone told you how brave you were.

So now that you're there, shouldn't you just be grateful?

Shouldn't you be making the most of it?

Shouldn't you be happy?

And suddenly, admitting that you're struggling can feel like admitting you've made a mistake.

Even when you haven't.

The Guilt of Missing Home When You're the One Who Left

There's a particular kind of guilt that can come with moving away.

You miss birthdays, Sunday dinners, family gatherings, weddings, celebrations and sometimes the smaller, ordinary moments that you never realised meant so much.

You see pictures of everyone together.

You watch friendships evolve without you.

You hear about things happening back home after everyone else already knows.

Life keeps moving, whether you're there or not.

And you realise that although you're building a whole new life somewhere else, there's another life continuing without you.

Sometimes you feel guilty for not being there.

Other times you feel hurt that people seem to have adjusted to your absence.

You might even feel frustrated when people say:

"Well, you're the one who decided to move!"

As though choosing to move abroad means choosing never to miss anyone.

As though having an exciting life means you can't feel lonely.

As though being grateful for your opportunities means you shouldn't struggle.

But here's something I think more people need to hear:

You can be grateful for your life abroad and still find parts of it really bloody hard.

You can love where you live and miss where you came from.

You can feel proud of yourself for taking the leap and still have days when you wish you could get on a plane home.

One doesn't cancel out the other.

The Highs Are High, But Sometimes the Lows Feel Really Low

There's so much to love about living abroad.

The independence you develop.

The confidence that comes from figuring things out on your own.

The friendships with people from different backgrounds.

The unexpected opportunities.

The way you learn more about yourself when everything familiar is suddenly taken away.

It can be freeing, exciting and completely life-changing.

But the difficult moments can feel different too.

Getting sick when there's nobody nearby to look after you.

Going through a breakup without your usual support network.

Feeling homesick after a visit home.

Spending a birthday or Christmas somewhere that doesn't quite feel like yours.

Having a really difficult week and realising that the person you want a hug from lives on the other side of the world.

And sometimes it's not even a big event.

Sometimes it's coming home from work, sitting in your apartment and realising you haven't had a genuinely meaningful conversation with anyone all week.

Or seeing everyone else apparently thriving and wondering why you're finding it so difficult.

Living abroad can be an incredible adventure.

But adventure doesn't remove our need for connection, familiarity and belonging.

When Home Doesn't Quite Feel Like Home Anymore

And then there's the part that can catch you completely off guard.

You finally go home to visit.

You've missed everyone. You've counted down the days. You're excited to be back somewhere familiar.

But after a little while, something feels different.

Your friends have new routines.

People have moved on, changed jobs, got married, had children, or settled into lives that no longer look like the one you left.

Conversations feel different.

You realise you've changed too.

You've had experiences that are difficult to put into words, grown in ways people haven't witnessed, and developed a version of yourself that doesn't quite fit into your old life anymore.

You might spend months missing home, only to return and realise it doesn't feel exactly how you remembered.

And then you go back to the country you're living in, and somehow that doesn't feel completely like home either.

It's a strange feeling.

Too changed to fit completely into the life you left, but not always fully rooted in the life you've created.

Somewhere between two versions of home.

Somewhere between who you were and who you're becoming.

And that can feel incredibly isolating when nobody around you seems to understand it.

Maybe You Don't Need to Be More Independent. Maybe You Need Somewhere to Be Honest.

When we move abroad, we're often praised for being independent.

For being brave.

For being resilient.

For figuring things out ourselves.

And those are all wonderful qualities.

But sometimes, we become so used to managing everything that we forget we're allowed to need people too.

We tell ourselves we should be able to cope.

We keep busy.

We say yes to plans, even when we're exhausted.

We brush off the homesickness.

We minimise how lonely we're feeling because, compared with other people's problems, ours doesn't seem that bad.

And we carry on.

But connection isn't a luxury.

It's something we all need, whether we're living five minutes from the people we love or 10,000 miles away.

Perhaps the answer isn't another night out, another weekend trip, or trying harder to make your life look like everyone else's.

Perhaps what you're really craving is a space where you don't have to pretend everything is amazing.

Where you can say:

"I love living here, but sometimes I feel so alone."

"I've made friends, but I don't feel like anyone really knows me."

"I miss home, but I don't think I want to move back."

"I don't know where I belong anymore."

And have someone genuinely understand what you mean.

Not try to fix it.

Not tell you to be grateful.

Not remind you that you chose this.

Just understand.

Introducing Somewhere Between: An Expat Support Group 🤎🌍

Having lived abroad myself, I know that the experience can be so much more complicated than the exciting version we often share with everyone back home.

And through my work as a therapist, I also recognise how much it can mean to feel heard, understood and connected to other people.

That's why I've created Somewhere Between, a new online expat support group for those navigating the emotional realities of living away from home.

It's for you if you're in your 20s, 30s or beyond, living abroad and quietly trying to make sense of everything that comes with it.

Maybe you're newly abroad and struggling to find your feet.

Maybe you've been away for years, have a good social life, but still feel lonely.

Maybe you're questioning where home is now.

Maybe you're tired of telling everyone you're doing brilliantly when, actually, some days feel really difficult.

Or maybe you simply want to connect with people who understand that you can absolutely love living abroad and still struggle with it.

Somewhere Between is a place to have the conversations that don't always happen over Friday night drinks or a quick FaceTime home.

A chance to connect with others navigating similar experiences, share what feels comfortable, listen, reflect and feel a little less alone.

You don't need to have everything figured out.

You don't need to be going through a crisis.

And you certainly don't need to arrive with a positive spin on how life abroad is going.

This is a welcoming, therapist-facilitated peer support space, rather than a therapy group, where you can show up as you are. Cameras are optional, and there's no pressure to share more than feels comfortable.

Our First Gathering

📅 Sunday 8 November 2026

🕘 9:00am UK time

💻 Online via Zoom | 60 minutes

🌍 Open to adults living abroad, wherever you're based

🤎 Small group of up to six people, with gatherings planned every four weeks

You Don't Have to Navigate It All on Your Own

If you've read this and found yourself thinking, "That's exactly how I've been feeling, but I haven't known how to explain it," then Somewhere Between was created with people like you in mind.

Not because there's something wrong with the life you've built.

Not because you're failing at living abroad.

But because sometimes, even the most exciting chapters of our lives can be lonely.

And sometimes, hearing someone else say "me too" can make an enormous difference.

You might have people to go for a drink with. But you deserve spaces where you can be honest about the harder parts of life, too.

🤎 Join us for the first Somewhere Between gathering.

Spaces are limited to six people to keep the group small and welcoming.

Find out more and book your place in Somewhere Between

Emma Langton | Integrative Therapist & Founder of The Flawed Journey

The Flawed Journey - Supporting you through the messy, meaningful and sometimes complicated parts of being human.